Sundays...

So... it's been a long week, with little time to write entries here... a lot going on, a lot of work... Writing songs, however, has been extremely productive. Songs falling out of the sky like, well, you know what. And right now, it's pouring outside.

It's a Sunday night and it feels like it. There's lightening striking very close by, and our windows which let in generous sunlight during the daytime hours, seem to be taking back the low light from our warm house, pulling it into the storm and intermittent darkness. But we're safe. There's pheasant stew in the crock pot, barely 4 hours into a 10 hour simmer, and it's filling the house with all sorts of amazing aromas. Comforting aromas.

And we're safe. Some of us... well, three of us, are asleep on the couch. The one remaining is contemplating his songbook and working on the computer, wishing that his diligence would stay the work week completely, but knowing sleep must (should?) come and the inevitable will arrive. Ah sleep...

When I last wrote something approaching a coherent entry, I was smack in the middle of what turned out to be a true sleepless night. Perhaps it was that night that broke me completely and lead me to seek professional help for my seemingly worsening sleep patterns. But whatever it was, this is the last night for a while that I'll be willingly embracing my insomnia.

Starting tomorrow night, I'll be actively (an ironic word when used to describe sleep-related activity, I guess) pursuing a rigid, pharmaceutically enforced bedtime, as directed and prescribed by my doctor. At my annual physical last week, I raised the specter of my insomnia. After I told him how much and when I slept, my doctor informed me that my sleep habits were a disaster. No shit.

He also informed me that I exhibited many of the signs of depression. And that my sleep habits and my moods were most likely related. I do trust my doctor. He's a smoker. Which actually comforts me, for some reason. I don't know why. Anyway, he suggested that we try addressing my sleep habits first, in the hope that it would clarify my "mental health issues."

So I'll be trying out a course of Ambien, the sleep drug whose mascot is, I believe, a fluorescent butterfly. It is worth noting that, according to the commercials for Ambien, one of it's side effects is "drowsiness." No shit.

Anyway... I gave it a try on Friday night and it worked wonders. So it'll be interesting seeing how it goes over a longer period of time. Other than that...

I do have a great story about an eating experience we had about a week ago. Simply the best (and most expensive) meal I've ever eaten. But I'll save that. I should go to bed now. So instead, I'll share my latest creation, a song called resurrection. This song was written in, literally, about 10 collective minutes. I wrote the verse pattern in a split second on Thursday night in the midst of a lesson. The first verse was written on the train on Friday morning. The chorus (both music and words) and the second verse were written in about 5 minutes on Saturday morning at work. When we get the chance to record our next full-length record (hopefully entitled "The Dark Before the Dawn"), I would like for this song to close it. And for it to feature a group of gospel singers.

RESURRECTION Take this blood For it's not mine Take this sea And make it wine Take this mark It's yours to wear Take this cross It's yours to bear I'm on your side I'm on your side I'm on your side I'm on your side Take this sand It's yours to walk Take this door It's yours to lock Take this air It's yours to breathe Take this heart It's yours to leave I'm on your side I'm on your side I'm on your side I'm on your side

jbg

Bridge to Words

And in the dawn as the darkness comes undone I open my mouth and let the lightening touch my tongue And suddenly I know exactly what to say And all the wailing walls, they just crumble and tumble and tumble Away... It's changed

jbg

Words

Time Is always on my mind And though I'm working hard Everything just seems to fall apart I heard He wouldn't take your calls He wouldn't let you hear His voice was full of tears And love begins to take its toll And diamonds start to turn to coal It's darkest just before the day But the harder we run the farther it gets away So I walked The miles turned to years The city burned to ash But the fires didn't last Sleep Was nowhere to be found I heard a mouring bird call The stars were in a free fall And love begins to take its toll And diamonds start to turn to coal It's darkest just before the day But the harder we run the farther it gets away

jbg

Why I Had to Fall

And so the waiting begins And so the winter settles in I'm still waiting on my wings And outside the twilight starts to sing It's why I had to fall It's why I had to fall We've all got something to make it okay But it seems like it works less and less every day So go to sleep and wait for dawn Or pack your bags and just move on It's why I had to fall It's why I had to fall They say "Sometimes you fly" They say "Hey, you're still alive" But while they're singing "Hallelujah" They'll put the nails right through you 

jbg

winter

so it's after two o'clock in the morning here right now i just got back from an almost two hour walk in the fairly bitter cold i didn't realize how cold it was until i got home and my fingers were so frozen i could barely manage my keys hendrix however seemed like he could have walked for another hour he's like that with walks so you're wondering why i was out walking in the bitter cold at two in the morning well so am i have you ever had a certain moment where you felt like the world's axis was shifting like the magnetic poles were flip flopping moments like these usually happen after midnight and often in the cold of winter anyway i was having one of those moments mapping out the future replaying the past second guessing choices wondering what and who i can count on now and who i'll be able to count on in the future and i came to the conclusion that i me i am too considerate too earnest and too committed too sensitive too thoughtful and too compassionate for my own good most people aren't half as considerate as me and that's weird because i probably come off as pretty selfish and self-centered after all i write a fucking blog but i'm not really that selfish i tend to put other people before myself and it's hard when you feel like other people are knowingly or not taking advantage of your compassion or not giving you what you need or deserve especially when you love them moments like these are best contemplated alone or at most with your dog because a dog will always give you the love you need regardless the big question is how to fix all this thats the big question because i feel like if i just keep going along it's not going to get better on its own it's probably going to get worse so i'm not exactly sure what to do about it i guess i'll just keep plugging away and working hard and see where that takes me i'm too frozen to take another walk and it's nearly three o'clock and even hendrix seems like he's bedded down for the night maybe i'll follow his lead jbg