winter

so it's after two o'clock in the morning here right now i just got back from an almost two hour walk in the fairly bitter cold i didn't realize how cold it was until i got home and my fingers were so frozen i could barely manage my keys hendrix however seemed like he could have walked for another hour he's like that with walks so you're wondering why i was out walking in the bitter cold at two in the morning well so am i have you ever had a certain moment where you felt like the world's axis was shifting like the magnetic poles were flip flopping moments like these usually happen after midnight and often in the cold of winter anyway i was having one of those moments mapping out the future replaying the past second guessing choices wondering what and who i can count on now and who i'll be able to count on in the future and i came to the conclusion that i me i am too considerate too earnest and too committed too sensitive too thoughtful and too compassionate for my own good most people aren't half as considerate as me and that's weird because i probably come off as pretty selfish and self-centered after all i write a fucking blog but i'm not really that selfish i tend to put other people before myself and it's hard when you feel like other people are knowingly or not taking advantage of your compassion or not giving you what you need or deserve especially when you love them moments like these are best contemplated alone or at most with your dog because a dog will always give you the love you need regardless the big question is how to fix all this thats the big question because i feel like if i just keep going along it's not going to get better on its own it's probably going to get worse so i'm not exactly sure what to do about it i guess i'll just keep plugging away and working hard and see where that takes me i'm too frozen to take another walk and it's nearly three o'clock and even hendrix seems like he's bedded down for the night maybe i'll follow his lead jbg