There's sad... and there's SAD

Pretty good weekend in these parts.

Friday night, I went to the newly remodeled Cubby Bear to see a few bands, one of which was Stylus, who kicked their usual amount of ass. They played a cool new tune, too. The new Cubby Bear is a vast improvement over the old set up. The music room used to resemble a frat house with a stage tucked in the corner. Smelled like one too. The new room has the stage as the centerpiece, and once they iron out some sound issues, it has the potential to be a really nice place to play and hear music.

Saturday night, Gina surprised me with reservations at Carmichael's Steak House on Monroe. Our friend (and tenant) Dave is the manager of this fine establishment, and he took great care of us as we devoured an amazing meal (crab cakes, steaks, sides, dessert, drinks) and sat at the bar for a good three hours. I think I ate over a pound of filet mignon. Good times.

Sunday was spent being productive in the studio, which I'll write about a bit later. However, the weekend was tainted by a sad, sad occurance Saturday morning. Now I know there is much tragedy in the world. Famine, disease, war, genocide... and that's just in Africa. But as I was channel surfing Saturday morning, I saw what I think might be the saddest thing I've ever seen.

I should preface this by saying that as a rule I don't enjoy reality TV. However, there are two exceptions.

The first is the show Cheaters, in which cheating spouses and significant others are videotaped in their lascivous acts and then confronted in public, in front of cameras. If you haven't seen this show, well... you're missing something. Something really, really funny.

The second reality show I find myself watching is The Surreal Life. The premise of this series is as follows: take a handful of D-Level celebrities desperate for a paycheck, put them in a house together, add alcohol, and manipulate their emotions with bizarre tasks. I got roped into watching this show during its second season, when the housemates included Erik "Ponch" Estrada, Rob "Vanilla Ice" Van Winkle, Ron "..." Jeremy, and Tammy Faye Baker (n/k/a T.F. Messner).

The current season features the likes of former pro-wrestler/current crackhead Chyna, talentless rapper Da Brat, Christopher "Peter Brady" Knight, and, most importantly, Verne Troyer, a/k/a Mini-Me from the Austin Powers' movies.

Now... far be it from me to make fun of a midget. Okay, that's a lie. I make fun of everybody. If karma is real, I shudder to think how my kids are going to turn out.

But... as I was channel surfing I happened upon an episode of The Surreal Life I hadn't seen. Throughout this season, Verne Troyer has provided the show's funniest and saddest moments among many funny and sad moments. The camping episode which featured his mortal fear of being eaten by a bear was simultaneously hilarious and disturbing.

However, the episode I happened into on Saturday morning took it to a whole new level. I tuned in in the middle of the episode, so I missed some of the context, but I did figure out that Verne Troyer had gotten completely smashed.

Wasted.

In addition, he was riding his little scooter around his room. So you've got a drunk midget riding a scooter.

Did I mention he was naked?

Okay, a drunk, naked midget riding a motorized scooter. How can it get worse, you ask?

Well, let's just say that said drunk naked midget also begins... micturating on himself while sitting on said scooter.

So there you have it: the saddest thing in the world.

A drunk naked midget sitting on a scooter peeing on himself.

You ain't got nothing on that Darfur.

jbg